I did NOT write what follows. It is a letter written by another minister to HIS congregation. I find it to be an eloquent and strong message for all mankind to be used in every aspect of our lives – and so I share the letter with you. I’ve added nothing, but deleted paragraphs to make it fit within the confines of our service. His original letter was 12 pages long! As I present this, keep in mind your homes, church, work, clubs, school – every place you go.
He says:
Our Community has many strong points, and many indications of real spiritual growth. But there are some practical areas to which we have all paid insufficient attention. One of these is the terrible human tendency to repeat rumor, to draw unsupported conclusions, and to get disaffected with others until we imagine untrue things about them which we then state to others. I am not innocent in this area. And neither are any of us (not that this fact in any way comforts me). Let's not pretend that any of us don't gossip. And let's admit that our ears love to hear gossip. "
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's innermost parts" (Proverbs 18:8), i.e. we dwell on what we hear very deeply. This is one reason to interrupt a gossiping brother or sister before they go further; for the words of gossip will go deep down within us, and we will ruminate on them.
If a community becomes full of gossip, allegation and counter-claims, very soon we will destroy ourselves. A house divided will fall. And don’t think gossip is just words. Proverbs teaches that gossip stirs up dissension; but Prov. 6:12-14 parallels "a corrupt mouth” with a winking of the eye, signalling with the feet, motioning with the fingers. Our body language is effectively gossip. A flick of the hands, the slight suggestion of a shrug of the shoulders, a certain glance in the corner of the eye...it all gives negative messages.
As gossip in the church spreads, it becomes distorted, sometimes horrendously. The result is that when the victim hears it, they inevitably become angry, and often feel that they cannot associate with their brethren and sisters if such things are thought about them. They are ashamed - angry because what was said was untrue, and they are tempted to become vindictive against those whom they hold to be responsible. In extreme cases, this can lead to resignation from the community.
An offended brother is harder to be won back than a fortified city (Prov. 18:19). Over the past year, this will have happened. But often the result is simply a decreased enthusiasm to attend meetings, to break close contact with the brethren and sisters who ought to be our true friends. This results in a community which is cold and untrusting of each other, with every one of us internalizing our struggles, appearing righteous on the surface but never opening our hearts. For all, the process of gossip and counter-claiming saps real spirituality from us. We have enough wonderful things to contemplate: the supremacy of the love of God, far above our human knowledge; the sublime intricacy of God's word and character; the fulfillment of prophecy; the wonder of our Hope. These things ought to fill our thinking- and our conversation with each other. If they don't, and gossip in the church becomes the main diet of our conversation, something is very seriously wrong with us.
We have such a brief time on Earth to sort ourselves out. We need to us every moment. The Bible could not be clearer in it's analysis of gossip in the church. It is like shooting an arrow from a secret place at a person (Ps. 64:4 RV). It is no coincidence that the word "devil" essentially means a false accuser, a slanderer. Slandering others is the very epitome of all that is wrong with the flesh. Strife amongst us comes from the expression of passive anger and pride (Prov. 28:25; 29:22); and strife is sown by gossip (Prov. 16:28). Therefore, gossip is a way of expressing our anger and pride no matter how nicely we disguise them. We pull a man down to make ourselves look taller. So be aware: our own frustrations, our passive resentments, the hurt we have experienced from others, all this, if left to itself, will result in a critical attitude towards our brethren, and will be expressed in gossip.
Let's not be mistaken, gossip is seen as murder because it effectively puts to death a man's relationship with his fellows. The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly" (Prov. 26:22). The casual remark, the passing on of information under the guise of 'concern'- it was a body blow to the one you gossiped about, a blow so hard that it caused deep internal damage. That’s how bad are backbiting and slander, however quietly they’re done. Proverbs is often a commentary upon the Law. The many passages there about gossiping are based upon just one passage, in Lev. 19:16-18: 16 Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD. 17 Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. 18 Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD. Notice the fine psychology of the Spirit here: gossip in the church is related to having a grudge, to hating your neighbour in your heart, to not loving your neighbour as you love yourself (and we are very conservative about our own failings).
Scripture provides a way out. If you have something against your brother, frankly tell him about his failure, so that you won’t hate him in your heart. If we don't talk to him, or try to get someone else to do it, we will end up hating our brother in our heart and we will gossip about him. The purpose of this is not just for the sake of the brother who has erred, or just a polite protocol to follow; it is for our sake too. Unless we talk frankly to him about it, between us alone, then we will end up hating him in our heart. The frank raising of the issue with our brother is associated with loving our neighbor as ourselves. This is actually the opposite of what we think; we imagine that it would be more 'loving' to say nothing to our brother. But in this case, we will inevitably be bitter against him. The practice of true love will result in an open community in which we can frankly discuss with each other the issues which concern us, with love and not hatred in our hearts. "2He who(A) walks blamelessly and(B) does what is right and(C) speaks truth in his heart; 3who(D) does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor(E) takes up a reproach against his friend;”.
To gossip or backbite is paralleled with receiving gossip. To listen to it and accept it is as bad as to create it in the first place. The antidote is to have a mind that thinks of those things which "are true, lovely, of good report”. We live in a world of conscious untruth and half truth. In our unshareable self, our inner thoughts and musings, let us seek to have only that which is true passing through our meditations. And then we will not want to receive a gossip against our brother, indeed by implication we will not ‘endure’ it, we will tell the gossiper to cease, and, certainly, not act upon it.
"Debate your cause with your neighbor himself (Lev. 19:17; Mt. 18:15); and discover not a secret to another, for he who hears it may shame you, and you will never lose your bad reputation" 'Gossip usually backfires on you' is the message. A reputation as a gossip is very difficult to shake off. None of your brethren will want to be close to you. Gossip not only upsets the victim, but also upsets unity in the family of God. A talebearer is called one who flatters with his lips (Prov. 20:19). The motive for gossip is therefore for us to flatter or impress others, to make us look better because we have dragged others down lower.
This is the Biblical analysis of the psychosis of gossiping. Words have more effect and hurt than we realize. A lying tongue wounds or crushes those it attacks (Prov. 26:28). This is the power of words. As gossip is made, the other party to the conversation invariably says something which they also ought not to. Gossip in the church very quickly becomes a way of life, both in individuals and in the whole community. In Jeremiah, gossiping is associated with 'proceeding from evil to evil'; it is part of a downward spiral of spirituality. Once gossip starts a quarrel, it's like water bursting out of a dam. So it's best not to start it, not only for our own sakes, but because of the effect it will have on the rest of the body.
Real spiritual growth is impossible if we are taken up with gossiping; and this is true on the communal as well as individual level. Prov. 17:9 says that seeking love by covering a transgression is the opposite of ‘repeating a matter’. It implies that we retell others’ transgressions because we choose not to forgive them. If you feel you have been slandered by gossip in the church, remember that almost every servant of God has been through this at the hands of those they counted as their brethren: Joseph, Moses, Job, David, Jeremiah, Nehemiah, Paul, Jesus and above all God Himself. Saul implied David and Jonathan were homosexual (1 Sam. 20:30); Miriam and Aaron implied Moses (their own brother!) was immoral (Num. 12:1). The comment that Moses was the humblest man on earth is made in the very context of his enduring unjust criticism in a spiritual way (Num. 12:3). The way Paul commanded Timothy not to even consider a complaint against an elder unless another two or three had been eye-witnesses (1 Tim. 5:19) is proof enough that he expected elders to be slandered from within the church.
The more you read between the lines of Paul's letters, the more evident it is that his very own brethren almost unbelievably slandered him. He has to remind the Thessalonians that he isn't preaching because he wants to take money and have relationships with women (1 Thess. 2:3-12). We could almost conclude that being unfairly gossiped about is a characteristic of the true servant of God. Indeed, when Paul lists the things which confirm his apostleship, he not only lists his imprisonments; he says that the fact he has been slandered is another proof that he is a servant of God (2 Cor. 6:8)! None of these men quit the community because they had been slandered.
They stuck it out. And so must we. To quit because of gossip in the church will lead to us being eaten up with bitterness- which is a cancer, it will spread to every part of our spiritual lives and destroy us; and it will spread out of us into the whole community (Heb. 12:15). This has happened all too often. So don't get bitter! We must learn that God is our justifier, He is the One who counts us as being righteous, not man. If we run away, we are running away from the test which the Lord has given us in order to develop our faith in and love of Him. He will try to teach us the same humility another way; there can be no escape. If God is the only and ultimate judge, human judgment, gossip and criticism shouldn’t mean so much to us. Jude 9 gives guidance about how to deal with slander and attacks from false brethren. Jude alludes to the well known Jewish legend, The Testament Of Moses. In it, the ‘devil’ slanders Moses, accusing him of having murdered the Egyptian and therefore being worthy of condemnation, and tries to drag Moses’ body down to punishment. Jude points out that in the story, the Angel Michael doesn’t indulge in justification but rather says that "the Lord rebuke thee”. And may this be our pattern. On a practical note, it has been suggested that a new convert should not be made a leader because he may fall into "the condemnation of the devil” (1 Tim. 3:6,7). Diabolos is often used in the scriptures in relation to gossipers. Gossip is the clearest manifestation of the ‘devil’ within our natures, and we should be aware of this. "The condemnation of the devil” may therefore mean that the gossipers will more easily condemn a novice. If a brother has behind him all the qualifications listed in 1 Tim. 3, then such gossips will have less power to condemn him in the eyes of others. Paul indicates that he understands the power of gossip in the church- he knew that a spiritually young elder was going to face slander, as sure as day follows night. And therefore, young elders aren’t a good idea, he concludes. We too need to face up to the reality of gossip, that it will happen, and we need to seek to protect those vulnerable to it before it starts. It may be that we hear gossip in the church. It is my suggestion that we ought to challenge this, gently, of course, but with the weight of the above passages on our side.
A gossiper entices others to gossip; he reveals and also elicits secrets; "therefore meddle not with him" (Prov. 20:19). Don't closely mix with such a brother or sister if they won't change their ways (there are degrees of fellowship within the one body). The command to "go and discuss with our brother alone” ought to be taken far more seriously. Statements like: "She smokes, you know. I really don't think she ought to smoke, do you?" are an absolute sin. Our response ought to be something like: "You must go and speak to the sister herself about it if she smokes. If you don't do this, you don't have a sincere objection to her smoking. I don't want to hear about somebody else's weakness." Biblically: "Keep thee far from a false matter” (Ex. 23:7). As many of you know, I don't always have the courage to make this kind of response. But it needs to be made.
Often gossip is justified as being said out of concern for someone. The deed is done unthinkingly, dressed up with the appearance of spiritual concern. The Spirit foresaw this. "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's innermost parts," (Prov. 18:8) uses language elsewhere used in Proverbs about the "choice morsels" of true spiritual wisdom, which also go into "a man's innermost parts." The point of the similarity is that within the church, it would be easy to mistake gossip for true spirituality (" like choice morsels"). We must really watch out for this. There are times when it is necessary to discuss problems; but the need for personal appeal to the person(s) concerned as outlined above is paramount. Take care not to talk to third parties rather than to the person in need. None of us should feel confident that we are so grace-filled that none of this applies to us.
"A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit covereth the matter" (Prov. 11:13). Instead of gossiping, we ought to cover over the confidences which we have been let into. We should abstain; wherever it comes up. Whenever we hear of wrongfulness we should seek to cover it, not to show it forth more widely – and especially seek for it to be forgiven. By doing so we will reflect our own experience of how God has dealt with His knowledge of our own poor choices. To gossip is to show that we don't know God, that we haven't known or experienced His gracious overlooking of our dark side (Jer. 9:3-4). But yet in the face of this, we all gossip. We say things we shouldn't about our brethren. Let's admit it. And the gossips of others in the church are 'tasty morsels' to us. Therefore let's all pray, seriously pray that, privately and collectively, we'll improve.
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